Gratitude has become a formality to be a good person

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"The grateful mind is constantly fixed on the best, therefore it is going to receive the best."

‍-Wallace D. Wattles, The Science of Getting Rich.

Many times we think we are grateful because we say thank you whenever it is required. And although it may seem that these are the same things, the reality is that this is not gratitude, saying thank you when someone does something for you is the rule and it is what makes society tell us if we are polite or not.

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Surprisingly, I have found myself sometimes scolding my little nieces because they didn't say thank you. This led me to question how I was taught to say thank you (perhaps you were taught the same) and how that education is perpetuated between generations.

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This way in which we see gratitude has turned this concept into something "empty", an obligation and a formality to be a good person. Despite being so essential in everyday life, the insistence with which it is demanded has turned such a vulnerable action into something automatic or irritating and even to reject it. It requires us to recognize a position of need and violates our ego.

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Don't get me wrong, it is important and necessary to give thanks. However, giving thanks is a powerful experience when you feel it. When you can connect this feeling and feel it throughout your body and it even makes you smile because you live it, it is something that can enhance our lives and function as a support to our mental health.

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Gratitude and resilience

There is a wealth of research proving the positive impact of gratitude on our minds and bodies. But the most notable is the impact on our resilience.

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Being aware of what we have and being grateful on a regular basis are positive thoughts that are constantly kept in our minds. Gratitude helps us to approach problems from another point of view, and even to understand the learning behind the difficult times. *wink, wink

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We might think that gratitude is a moment of reflection for when everything goes well or as we planned, but it is not. Maintaining a mentality of gratitude when we go through difficult times encourages us to change the way we see things and to know that everything that happens to us has a reason for being that invites us to improve or change.

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Although gratitude has so many benefits, why doesn't it come naturally to us to be grateful?

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According to psychotherapist Dr. Rick Hanson, the brain has a predisposition to the negative, that is, there is a bias towards the negative that makes difficult experiences have a greater psychological impact than positive ones, which is why we often tend to remember more of the bad.

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The good news is that gratitude is a skill we can work on.

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Exercising gratitude

We know that habits are everything, to work on our gratitude, it will depend on how consistent we are. Here are some good internet and personal practices to exercise your gratitude:

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• ‍Keepa gratitude journal: Although it may sound a bit corny, one technique is to write down 3-5 things/situations daily for which you are grateful.

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You can start doing it once a week, then twice a week and so on until it becomes a daily habit. It is an excellent way to educate the mind to see that everything we live has a function and thus feel happier. It does not have to be a perfectly documented diary, it can be a fairly simple technique if combined with digital tools.

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Here are some mobile apps that can help you keep track: Diarium, Dayone, journey.cloud, Penzu, Daylio and deardiary.a

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• Take gratitude walks: Just go for a walk, you can walk to the store, walk around the block or just go for a walk and use that time to think only about what you are grateful for that day or that moment.

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While walking, you can try to go through the alphabet and be grateful for something for each letter, i.e., I am grateful for the love I feel for my parents, I am grateful for my partner's kisses, I am grateful for my house, and so on until I reach z. Besides practicing being thankful, it can be combined with your exercise routine or with those breaks from work to stretch your legs.

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These may seem like very "active" ways to practice gratitude, but the important thing is to stop and think about the present. Even if you don't run, keep a journal or mentally recite the alphabet, a good way to do this is also to focus on experiences.

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• Be thankful for experiences: It is very different to be thankful "For the neighborhood where I live", than to be thankful "For that time my neighbors who supported that rainy day when I stayed outside the house because I forgot my keys and...". In this way, we are turning gratitude into an experience, one that we already live and turns gratitude into something more authentic.

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I share with you my routine of gratitude. I wake up and the first thing I do is to give thanks for waking up and because everything in me works, then I thank God and mother earth for a new day and for allowing me to be in connection with them so that all the actions of my day are directed towards my well-being and those around me.

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The next thing is to be grateful for my bed and the room I wake up in, as well as my home, my family and my work. This takes me at most five minutes but helps me start the day with encouragement and understanding that what may be basic for me is not necessarily basic for someone else.

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It is important to redefine gratitude as a way of giving relevance to the present. It is a great tool to avoid anxiety or stress for what we cannot change or for what is not yet happening, and also to realize how much we deserve and have.