A story of success, breakdown and rebirth. Mercedes shares her divorce and how she turned it into strength and transformational leadership.
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This month's story comes from a major corporate event we hosted for BBVA: "Perfectly Imperfect Motherhood".One of the most important banks in México.
We chose this story because it touches on an overdue conversation about the intersection of personal and professional life —and the unequal expectations placed on high-performing women.
This story was first featured in our newsletter Speakers Stories, where every month we share one of the best failure stories from our global community. Be the first to receive these stories in your inbox— subscribe to our newsletter here.
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Mercedes López Arratia is a binational leader in marketing, technology, and innovation, with an outstanding track record as CMO in leading financial institutions in Mexico. She also has global experience working in New York-based companies. Recognized as one of the most influential women in the country, she now advises startups and large corporations, gives talks, and mentors women.She recently published her book Witches, Queens, and Bitches: The Power of Autonomous Women.
Mercedes: For me, it's a learning opportunity. Failure is not the end—it's the beginning of new and interesting things. It's when life gives us the chance to face and learn from an experience and turn it around. Otherwise, it remains an unresolved lesson, and chances are it will resurface again.
Mercedes: In the 2000s, I was in a really good place in my life. I was successful, had been promoted at my company, and had the chance to work in New York. I had a good relationship with my husband and a family with two children. I was able to balance my personal and professional life. I truly felt on top of the world, achieving everything I had ever wanted.
It was the era when digital transformation in marketing was just starting. I was learning a lot and living a life that was both deeply fulfilling and challenging every day.
Then came a moment when my husband was offered the opportunity to return to Mexicoand take an excellent position in his company. It was a great opportunity for the family, and the timing felt right to go back and give our children roots in Mexico.
But on the other hand, I had this wonderful life in New York and had just founded my own startup. Even though I could technically run the project remotely, the truth is, I didn't really want to come back.
Weighed against the challenges and opportunities it presented for our family, we decided to move back to Mexico.
Mercedes: Within two years, things seemed to be going well—I left my startup to return to the corporate world and landed a great opportunity at Citi Banamex. With so much success and professional recognition, it looked like everything was falling into place.
And then, suddenly, I got divorced. After 20 years of marriage, our relationship couldn't withstand the pressure, and within three months, we separated.
It was a very tough moment—a breaking point. While I was launching marketing and digital transformation departments in major Mexican companies, I felt broken inside, deeply sad, and utterly incapable.
Almost no one at the office realized I was going through a divorce because I wore a mask. But inside, I was utterly shattered and lost. I didn't know where to go or what to do with myself.
Suddenly, I had a lot on my plate: Helping my teenage kids adjust to a new life, navigating my divorce, and facing a significant challenge with a brand-new department at a huge company.
Mercedes: All those challenges at work helped me stay focused. I felt like there was at least one part of my life where things were going well. I didn't want to add stress to my team with a confused or distracted boss.
At that moment, my job became a lifesaver. I felt like I was drowning in every other aspect of my life, and work was the thing that kept me afloat. It also represented my financial independence, something many women don't have when they go through a divorce.
I was caught in the wheel of success, having a happy family, being a good mom, and being a powerful woman. I was one of the first women standing out in the industry, and proving that it was possible to balance personal and professional life came at a high cost.
Mercedes: I think a lot of women who juggle household responsibilities, family, and are also professionally ambitious live this way. Society puts many demands on us— from managing the family's social calendar to ensuring the house looks nice and the meal is served.
There are so many distractions and responsibilities that you don't even have time to look at yourself.
I took life way too seriously, I was obsessive, controlling, and intense. I thought everything had to be a battle. I wanted to be liked. I wanted everyone to say how smart I was, how well I was doing, how great my results were.
That level of self-demand is exhausting. t's so important to pause and look at life for what it is, to enjoy each day, to appreciate what is working, and to look inward and ask yourself what you need in different areas of your life.
Mercedes: There was a vtough moment when I felt incredibly alone. I felt like I had very few tools to keep going. Although I was spending time with friends and family, I was facing a significant personal challenge.
One day, I was extremely sad. I just couldn't stop crying. I was in the shower, and I remember thinking there was more water coming from my eyes than from the showerhead. That's when, for the first time in my life, I understood what it meant to die of a broken heart—to have your heart shattered and truly feel so bad, to want to die.
In that moment, I told myself: "I can't die. I want to live. I have a life, I have children, I have a purpose. There are still things I'm meant to do"
That was my "Aha!" moment. I realizing I couldn't let everything fall apart just because my relationship didn't work out. I got out of the shower, picked up the phone, booked an appointment with a psychologist, then with a coach, and started reading.
I stopped lying on the floor in sadness. I stood up and went out to seek help.
Mercedes: With help, everything I was learning about myself started to show up in my professional life, too. I became a much better listener with my teams. I became a way more fun boss. And communication with my kids also improved.
It made me a much better leader. I had more empathy and formed genuine friendships with many of my vendors. I created an incredible network. I stopped being so hyper-focused on work and my personal problems. Life got a bit easier.
It was a process that took years; it's not like you feel happy again in five minutes. But my leadership became much more human, focused on helping people become the best version of themselves. And honestly, that's how businesses become the best of themselves, too.
This whole personal transformation led me to create my book: Witches, Queens and Bitches: The Power of Autonomous Women. In it, I share the tools I discovered along the way and make them available to others. I also interviewed 12 women from diverse social backgrounds and ages, so we can learn from one another.
I feel like I'm helping, that everything I went through had a purpose. This is an opportunity to tell people who are going through hard times that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are so many people, just like me, wearing a mask while feeling lost inside.
You don't have to start from scratch; the book serves as a guide, offering stories, tools, and insights to help people achieve personal autonomy. With curiosity things can be figured out. Life is full of opportunities. And being alive is a privilege.
Remember, our channels are open for your questions, complaints, feedback, or collaboration at: rich@fuckupnights.com.
Edited by
Ricardo Guerrero
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Let's transform our perception of failure and use it as a catalyst for growth.
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