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Who?

Trena Laine Olfert is a passionate entrepreneur, an award-winning beauty industry coach and makeup artist, and the heartfelt author of Dear Aaron.

After the loss of her husband, Aaron, she focused her grief, resilience and lessons learned in a memoir that explores love, loss, healing and the courage to redefine life beyond the culture of hyper-productivity and societal norms.

Trena's mission is to inspire others to prioritize their mental well-being, find strength in vulnerability, and have meaningful work and connections.

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Defining failure

FuN: What's your personal definition of failure?

Trena: Ignoring my intuition and letting others or society define what success and happiness should be. True fulfillment includes giving ourselves the grace of proper rest and taking creative breaks to rejuvenate the mind and body. It means choosing not to engage with toxic people or environments.

I talk a lot about society, our childhood, our ancestors, and past traumas we continue to carry forward that may influence how we live, let alone work.

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FuN: How was your life before that experience?

Trena: For years, I built a thriving career - winning seven industry awards, traveling internationally as a professional makeup artist, and earning features in over 50 publications and editorials. Along the way, I also became a podcast host and speaker.

However, despite all that, in a moment of panic in 2022, I took both interior design and real estate, only to realize I was adding more roles to an already overflowing life and resume.

My Trena Laine company was also swamped with many weddings, for we provide makeup and hair services; it was honestly chaotic, still dealing with C0VID and behaviors I have never seen. We hit the ground running, and it was one stressful thing after another.

In 2023, my husband and I bought a house, a decision that felt overwhelming amid everything—Aaron's work pressures, my career demands, and the weight of our personal lives. It felt like we weren't in sync for much of that year.

By January 2024, we were navigating our marriage and contemplating the changes needed for our future. Sadly, I've come to understand that 2024 will unfold with a different plan, one I must walk alone.

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The breaking point

Trena: The relentless hustle and grind were far from healthy, and I found myself disconnected from joy. I was tethered to my phone—constantly bouncing between emails, DMs, makeup artists who worked for me, and client messages.
It all became overwhelming too much, leaving me anxious and deeply concerned about my well-being.

Meanwhile, I watched my incredible, ambitious husband neglect his own physical, spiritual, and mental well-being due to his demanding role. I sensed a significant shift approaching. I was on the brink of burnout for the third time and vowed, "Not this time." I slowed down, took a deep pause, and reflected inwardly.

While supporting my husband Aaron with his personal brand, I found myself encouraging change for him and myself. He recognized that his current role was no longer sustainable and knew he needed to step back.

I was also looking to cut back on how much I worked, claiming back my weekends so I could spend more time with him. We always had crazy schedules, and "squeezing "in time together was also exhausting. I wanted to create a different lifestyle together.

His selflessness—always willing to give the shirt off his back—was both his greatest gift and his most profound burden. Sadly, his decade-long heart valve issue finally took its toll, and he passed away in his sleep.

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Now, back to Trena…

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FuN: How was loss experienced in that burnout context?

Trena: Aaron's passing made me stop completely. It compelled me to reevaluate how I spend my time and who I choose to spend it with.

This experience created a catalyst for me:

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The hustle culture we are conditioned to chase doesn't foster true balance.

You can't serve others if your cup is not full. The disappointment I have experienced from time to time questioning: Could this have been prevented, or maybe this was Aaron's timeline all along?

Tragically, his loss drove home the harsh reality that humans are not meant to be in a constant state of "doing." At some point, we need to learn to be content with showing up for ourselves, recognizing that our worth and value come from within, not from external achievements.

It also influenced the podcast launch and the book I have always wanted to write for the better half of the decade.

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FuN: How are you dealing with grief now?

Trena: After Aaron's passing, an incredible community came together with me from day one. It led me and many others to reflect on the way we work, live and enjoy life. We came together, shared stories and heartfelt messages, and created a space for collective healing and support.

Our lives are not bought, and that has only strengthened my conviction that we must create the life we dream of. I have been given another gift: to carry on and share with others. My journey of love, loss, grief and healing, became the center and soul of the story I needed to write and share with the world.

I now live with more intention and awareness. I have let go of things, people and jobs that no longer resonate with me. I don't think we will ever fully heal; a part of my heart will always be broken for my beloved husband.

My mornings are no longer about diving straight into work. They are spent with strong affirmations, meditation, movement, and focusing on myself.

Grief, bereavement or even professional traumas can still be part of us. However, it is critical not to "sweep them under the rug" and acknowledge each emotion with compassion. I lean on the strength of everyone "up there" and Aaron's support, even from beyond the grave. I know he has been watching over me every step of the way.

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THE takeaways…

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1. Humans need rest. We are not machines.
2. Do what you love and go after that.
3. Don't chase a hefty paycheck if it does not bring you joy or fulfillment.‍
4. You don't have to replicate someone else's work ethic.
5. Don't despair and learn to flow with the seasons of life.
6.  BE ok with just BEING vs DOING all of the time.
7. The mundane also has to be welcomed.‍
8. Love with all of your heart, even when it is challenging.
9. People today need kindness and compassion.
10. You are worthy - don't allow anyone else to tell you otherwise.

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Connect with Trena on LinkedIn o Instagram!

And make sure to stay update on the release of her book Dear Aaron, which will launch in Spring 2025.

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"Dear Aaron is courageously written from the heart about the darkest days of loss and the complex experience of grief. Trena's poetic prose comforts by allowing the reader to feel seen in this collective experience of life with rawness and grit. "
- Dr. Pearle Law, B.A Hons, R.Ac

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