The hustle is a lonely hunter

“The heart is a lonely hunter with only one desire! To find lasting comfort in the warmth of another’s embrace…driven by a desperate longing toward the glow of a neon light, the heart is a lonely hunter when there’s no sign of love in sight!”

-Carson McCullers, The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter

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I never thought I’d feel such a desperate need to hustle. One thingm about myself during the pandemic is how to hustle without a job. I didn’t realize how much I needed it until I couldn’t have it.

“To hustle” usually has a positive connotation. In gym class at school, the teacher was always urging you to hurry up, to show your “hustle.” Our entire educational system is based on doing well from one class to the next, one grade to the next, in order to graduate, go to college, or get a good job—to keep hustling until you’ve reached the next milestone.

I was a dedicated worker. For most of my life, I’ve held more than one job. Sometimes as many as four. I consider “resilient” to be one of my positive traits. But in the midst of a pandemic, with little control over my work, the economy, and my current situation, where does that leave me?

Forbes and Fast Company have published numerous articles about people who have mastered the art of hustling. Turn your side hustle into a full-time job! Turn your hobby into a source of income! What happens when an activity that was once completely unrelated to work becomes your new daily grind?

Romanticizing the hustle

A former partner of mine had a very successful side business selling handmade coffee pour-overs on Etsy. I was shocked to discover that after a year, he had made nearly ten thousand dollars. The venture was a success by any measure. But after a year or so, he called it quits. He said it started to feel like a chore. He resented it. His interest in woodworking had turned into a side hustle and had burned him out. When your hobby becomes your job, does it provide the same joy? Does it change your feelings for it?

Do you know what I’ve realized? That loving the hustle is a lot like unrequited love.

We have romanticized working our butts off for a partner who doesn't return our devotion.

Can you blame us? That sense of mystery, excitement, and detachment from everyday life? Heck, even before the pandemic, that sounds like something I’d want. But this excitement of constantly moving, working, and being busy has gotten out of hand. Back in 2014, Omid Safi wrote about “The Disease of Being Busy.” At a point in history when we have more opportunities for leisure than ever before, our time is filled to the brim, and we’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and constantly on the move.

Other business owners are writing about their efforts to slow down, their refusal to get caught up in the hustle, as in *The Power of RESToration*. Geek Chic Clothing writes:

“I have been conditioned by both society and the lingering traces of colonialism in my blood to believe that rest is a sign of laziness and weakness. But you know what? I am worthy regardless of how much I achieve.”

Breaking Up with the Hustle

Personally, I’m struggling to find the balance between mindless busyness (or hustling just for the sake of it) and being a couch potato. Recently I asked a friend how homeschooling her son was going. “He’s a teenager,” she said. “He’d rather be playing video games and watching YouTube.” And reader, apparently, I’ve become a teenager in quarantine. Without my trusty hustle to dote on, this previously straight-A earning, overachiever has swung wildly in the other direction.

The answer to overuse usually lies in moderation. Just as we’re told with most things we should watch out for excess (food, alcohol, exercise, sex), moderation is key. It seems many are finding enlightenment by re-examining their hustle and taking the time to stop and smell the roses.

But those constant reminders to “just slow down” —from every news outlet imaginable and every well-meaning Facebook post— feel like millionaires telling millennials to just stop spending $4 on daily lattes, as if that alone would allow them to buy a house and magically break centuries of economic policies designed to widen the wage and wealth gap.

5 Steps to Get Over the Unrequited Love of the Hustle

1- Rejection hurts. Not just in your mind and heart, but also in your body. You will experience withdrawal symptoms, both physically and psychologically. Acknowledge your need to grieve and let your whole self feel it. Slowing down may unnatural at first.

2- Remember, you’re not alone. Unlike in your personal relationships, the whole world is going through the heartbreak of the pandemic right now, just like you. All around you, there are examples of people learning how to break free from the daily grind. Take inspiration from them, try a few things out, and talk to others.

3- Notice the pattern. Do you use being busy as an excuse? I see several of my friends either dealing with their issues or avoiding them by working all the time. I rarely saw some of them even before this because of their work schedules. Now I see them even less, even though things are supposedly slower. Take a close look to see if you’re avoiding your feelings by filling the void with busyness.

4- Let go of the need for closure. We have no idea when all this will end. So you have plenty of time to let go of your attachment to the rat race and start creating an environment that gives you more of what you want.

5- It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have tried at all. You may back on your hustle days and feel bad about them or wonder why you couldn’t see it before. Don’t get stuck in a feeling of shame. Many of us have been there too, captivated by the hustle. Look back on it fondly and use it to remind yourself not to go back to that place.

Let’s focus on more realistic love and move away from unrequited love. To borrow from Omid Safi’s 2014 essay, what if we all carried more of this with us:

“Let us strive for a kind of human connection where, when one of us says, ‘I’m just so busy,’ we can respond with, ‘I know, dear. We all are. But I want to know how you’re doing.’”