Why the fear of failure is your biggest obstacle

Huge expectations and fierce competition

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Because some really awesome philosopher once said—paraphrasing Émile Durkheim (1858–1917), whom we’ll call the “Fuckup Philosopher”:

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"Capitalism is based on individualism and hope. The feeling of being a failure is the burden of life under modern capitalism."

-Émile Durkheim

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If Durkheim said that in the 19th century... Well, what about today, when each of us faces enormous expectations and cutthroat competition?

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I don't know about you, but one thing we're sick and tired of is society celebrating the simple (and sometimes vague) success stories of all the Gates and Zuckerbergs of the world. We pay too much attention to the "winners" and don't know what to do when we're one of the many, many "losers."

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For many of us, there comes a point in life when we look back and realize we haven’t achieved any of our life goals. In my case, I’m not financially independent, I don’t have a six-pack (other than the one in the fridge), and I haven’t made the transformative global impact I imagined 15 years ago.

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We’ve been taught that our success is entirely up to us. That we can always do better, but only if we work harder and think positively. But not all of us can be Rocky Balboa.

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The idea that being a good person requires endlessly trying harder is why failure becomes a catastrophe that ultimately defines our identity. Moreover, if we fail or fall short because of external factors, people will say we’re just making excuses.

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We are led to believe that society is fair, that the free market is truly free, and that we are in control of our own destiny. People who fail or fall short of expectations are seen as less intelligent or mediocre, while successful people are viewed as hardworking and more valuable.

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Except that’s not true. Societies need to realize that we, as individuals, are not completely in control of everything. Failure of any kind and at any level is partly bad luck, not a reflection of our character or identity.

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Our circumstances—the passport we hold, the school we attended, where we live, and the idiots and pandemics that cross our path—are factors that profoundly shape our success or lack thereof.

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Okay, but what can I do?

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It messes with the system. Capitalism is based on individualism and comparison. Break free from that dangerous game as quickly as you can. Don't let yourself live a life filled with fear.

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First of all, question your own definition of success. Is it really yours? Or perhaps your definition of success—one that involves money, power, and fame—was instilled in you by the media. Do you really want to focus your life on a high-paying job just to be the richest person in the graveyard?

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Stop focusing on external validation and material possessions. When people on their deathbeds were asked about their biggest regret, they usually said they had worked too hard and hadn't spent enough time with their loved ones. What will you regret?

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Second, stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t fall into the trap of capitalism, which makes us compare ourselves to others and turns us into passive consumers, constantly striving to have more than the person next to us—and then the next person, and the next, and the next. Having more than others and working tirelessly until you die will not bring you any kind of satisfaction.

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The most important thing is to know yourself. Live a more authentic life—the only kind of life you can’t mess up. The best part is that the more you live that life, the more smoothly your daily activities and your true definition of success will flow. You’ll meet more people like you along the way— people who value the same things and share your true definition of success.

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Challenge yourself. Shape your own life. That’s the way to live a life less constrained by the stigma of failure.