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Why fear of failure is your biggest obstacle

There comes a time in life when we look back and realize that we have not achieved any of our life goals.

By:
Pepe Villatoro
April 8, 2020
Why is fear of failure your biggest obstacle?

Enormous expectations and excessive competition

Because a very cool philosopher once said so, paraphrasing Émile Durkheim (1858-1917), whom we will call the philosopher Fuckup:

"Capitalism is based on individualism and hope. The sense of being a failure is the particular burden of life in modern capitalism."

-Émile Durkheim

If Durkheim said that in the 19th century? Well, what about today, where each of us faces enormous expectations and unbridled competition.

I don't know about you, but one Fuckup we're sick of is society celebrating simple (and sometimes inaccurate) success stories of all those Gates and Zuckerbergs of the world. We give too much attention to the "winners" that we don't know what to do when we are one of the many, many "losers."

For many of us, there is a moment in life when we look back and realize that we have not achieved any of our life goals. In my case, I'm not financially independent, I don't have a six pack (other than in the fridge), and I haven't created the transformative global impact I envisioned 15 years ago.

We have been taught that the responsibility for our success is up to us. That we can always do better, but only if we work harder and think positively. But we can't all be Rocky Balboa.

The idea that being a good person requires always trying harder without end is the reason why failure becomes a catastrophe that ends up defining our identity. Furthermore, if we fail or are not good enough because of external forces, people will say we are just looking for excuses.

We are made to believe that society is fair, that the free market is truly free and that we control our destiny. People who fail or don't meet expectations are less intelligent or mediocre, while successful people are hardworking and worth more.

Except that this is not true. Societies need to realize that we as individuals are not completely in control of everything. Failure of any kind and at any level is partly bad luck, not a reflection of our character and identity.

Our circumstances (the passport we have, the school we went to, where we live, the idiots and pandemics that cross our path) are factors that profoundly define our success or lack thereof.

Okay, but what can I do?

Fuck the system. Capitalism is based on individualism and comparison. Break free from that dangerous game as fast as you can. Don't allow yourself to live a life full of fear.

First of all, question your own definition of success. Is it really yours? Or maybe your definition of success involving money, power and fame was implanted by the media. Do you really want to focus your life on a high-paying job to be the richest person in the pantheon?

Stop focusing on external validation and accumulation. When people on their deathbed were asked about their biggest regrets, they usually answered working too much and not spending enough time with their loved ones. What will you regret?

Second, stop comparing yourself to others. Don't fall into the trap of capitalism that makes us compare ourselves and become passive consumers, constantly seeking to have more than the person next to us, and then the next person, and the next and the next. Having more than others and working tirelessly to death will not assure you any kind of satisfaction.

The most important thing is to know yourself. Live a more authentic life, the only kind of life you can't mess up. The best thing is that the more you live that life, the better your daily activities and your deep definition of success will flow. You'll find more people like you along the way. People who value the same things and share your deep definition of success.

Question yourself. Design your life. That's the way to live a life less limited by the stigma of failure.

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