Crises tend to bring out the worst in us. This is something I learned the hard way.m Taurus and a Regia (the name given to people from the far north of México), and I recently discovered that the reason I’ve struggled with numbers and writing my whole life is becausem .

Why am I introducing myself this way? You'll see later.

I spent the first 27 years of my life in a bubble, measuring happiness by society’s standards.

As a Taurus woman, ever since I was a child, I’ve associated success with getting married before I turn 30, having at least two children, and having a flawless body. A typical Taurus,m drama queen, and every aspect of my life has to be in perfect order (now you can see wherem with this.)

When I turned 28, I found myself in the midst of a global pandemic and stuck at home for months. Although I tried to keep everything under control, nothing went as planned:

Over the past few months, I realized that I had spent my life trying to be the person society wanted me to be, instead of just being who I wanted to be

Worst of all, I was unhappy because I wasn’t living up to expectations.

As you measure others, so will you be measured

In *The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck*, Mark Manson discusses the importance we place on social norms and how we use them to measure and evaluate ourselves. He also shared Dave Mustaine’s story:

After being fired from Metallica in the early 1980s, Dave made a point of excelling and outdoing them in every way. And although he went on to be regarded as one of the most brilliant musicians of all time, selling more than 25 million albums and selling out world tours with Megadeth, he always saw himself as that loser musician who was kicked out of Metallica.

As humans, we see ourselves as superior beings, when in reality we’re nothing more than apes. We’re apes who compare and measure ourselves against one another and aspire to live a life of status. Realizing this was a mind-blowing experience for me, even more so after I asked myself:

What standards am I using to judge myself?

My grandmother used to say “With the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.” This turned out to be a quote from the Bible, meaning to have mercy and compassion for others—the basic principles of empathy. To comprehend and understand others so that you may be treated the same way.

Ironically, I work for Fuckup Nights as a community leader and Mexico City organizer.m exposed to the most amazing stories of failure and resilience. That’s when I told myself, “Okay… I (at least more than the average person) understand that we all fail, we all make mistakes, but… Am I judging myself with that perspective? Am I being kind to myself?”

The answer is no.

The truth is thatm hard on myself, and what’s worse, I tend to hide that feeling by lying to myself. I look in the mirror and see something I don’t want to see, but to others,m happy person brimming with self-confidence. And that extends to the world of social media.

What filters are you living under?

We all have standards in our lives; I call them filters. Imagine your Instagram account: in some posts, you’re an influencer with butterflies on your face; in others, you ask yourself,“Which taco am I?”

But why not dare to take that selfie without filters? Because it’s scary. Seeing ourselves in all our raw, unfiltered glory is intimidating. The love handles, the pimples, that messy hair. NO THANKS! Better to reapply those filters, please.

“Stop thinking you’re doing it all wrong. Your path doesn’t look like anyone else’s because it can’t, it shouldn’t, and it won’t.”

- Eleanor Brown

Well, that’s how real life works. The moment we take off those filters, start living a life without them, and show ourselves as we truly are, we’re choosing to be authentic with ourselves. Naturally, we’ll start to feel happier as we stay true to who we are, every day.

I won’t tell you in this blog how to live a life without filters, but I invite you to identify which ones you’ve installed (or had installed) in that important app called life. Dealing with them isn’t easy, but it’s a rewarding experience.

How to identify filters?

According to Mark Mason, here are some ways to identify them:

1. Reconsider your values: Pleasure, material success, always being right, and even being overly positive are dead-end paths. Why shouldn’t you be overly positive, for example? Because that’s not what reality is about. Life sucks sometimes, and it’s okay to admit it.

If we instead focus on values that are grounded in reality, socially constructive, immediate, and within our control—such as vulnerability, creativity, and self-respect—this can lead to a more fulfilling sense of happiness.

2. Take a closer look at your values: If your social media feeds are full of trashy influencers who don’t share your values, you should consider unfollowing them and try to follow more inspiring people instead.

3. Prioritize what matters: When we choose better values, we automatically start to focus on the things that matter to us—the things that can lead to a better life, the things that can actually bring joy and improve your mood.

4. Accept your responsibility: There is greater self-awareness in confronting our deep-seated problems than in avoiding them. Recognizing that we live in ignorance can inspire us to question our beliefs and discover our own flaws and mistakes so that we can improve them.

5. Discover the power of listening and saying NO: By doing this, you’ll be able to easily accept and avoid certain things in your life.

Mason (I really love his book) shared these tips on how to prioritize our values and start choosing the ones we truly need to live a better life. You’ll still face challenges, but they’ll be “enhanced” challenges, and you’ll have a better life.

“If you want to change the way you perceive your problems, you need to change what you value and how you measure success and failure.” - Mark Manson

Rethink your values and don’t be afraid to question and change them if they don’t truly reflect who you are.

At 28,m married, I don’t have any children, and my life is a mess. When I realized I couldn’t count past 1,000 because I get really stressed out, I started focusing entirely on writing and math exercises (as if I were back in elementary school), andm ashamed to admit it.

I must say that it’s still hard for me to re-establish my values, but the process is the best gift I could ever give myself—to accept thatm human, someone who makes mistakes and learns from them.

Yes, crises can bring out the worst in us, but sometimes they can be a cathartic experience that helps us realize that things have to change.

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