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If we analyze the causes of fear of failure, we will probably find shame and guilt. Failure to manage them when we fail prevents us from taking action.
By:
Mujeres sin Filtro
Transcript
BECAUSE OF ME, BECAUSE OF MY GREAT FAULT
Estimated duration: 4 min
Welcome to your “Shame, Guilt, and Failure” course from Mujeres Sin Filtro. In this video, we’ll answer some basic questions: Are shame and guilt the same thing? Do women experience them differently?
How are fear, shame, and guilt related?
The negative connotations associated with failure provoke fear. Fear helps us protect ourselves, but if we examine the root causes of the fear of failure, we will likely find shame and guilt. If we fail to address these feelings when a venture fails, we end up giving up.
Do women experience guilt and shame differently than men?
Shame is a social emotion that arises from situations considered socially immoral or reprehensible. It is a state of constant self-criticism.
Shame can stem from failing to meet certain expectations—the feeling that we haven’t been good enough for a business venture, a new position, a project, or a client. Shame prevents us from seizing opportunities and forces us to live on the sidelines for fear of being exposed.
Both men and women experience shame, but women experience it differently due to culturally, socially, and relationally imposed gender roles, which lead us to feel more intense shame because of the negative judgments we make about ourselves, according to Sanftner & Tantillo.
According to sociologist Judith Jordan, there are three main reasons why women feel more shame than men:
Patriarchy plays an active role in shaming us and silencing our reality.
As women, we are socialized to be open about our desire for connection, and we are more vulnerable when that connection is broken.
Women may feel more often that they are letting others down in their interpersonal relationships, due to the internalization of gender roles.
Shame, then, leads to a feeling of helplessness in our lives. It can result in a loss of self-respect and an inability to fulfill any needs or desires.
The Difference Between Guilt and Shame
Guilt acknowledges that we did something wrong, while shame tells us that we are something wrong.
In the workplace, it is very important to avoid making value judgments about people (especially based on their gender). The goal is to reduce feelings of shame. Instead, we can focus more on actions, pointing out the impact of the failure itself and providing objective feedback. This approach moves us away from the burden of being the problem and toward a desire to focus on solutions and actions to counteract feelings of guilt (2).
Feelings of guilt and shame are uncomfortable, but they are also natural and human. Our task is not to hide or suppress these feelings, but to find an appropriate way to manage them in order to avoid psychological consequences.
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