Andrea couldn't believe it. It had just been announced company-wide that her direct supervisor was retiring very soon and that the position would be open. She quickly went from surprise to confusion. How come she was only just finding out? Hadn't she been hired specifically to fill that position as soon as her boss retired?

Immediately, a sense of failure, frustration, and embarrassment set in. The regional manager shared her surprise; he hadn't expected Andrea to be unaware that she might not be taking the position. Other executives at the company didn't even know who she was.

A few years ago, Andrea already had a promising career in the public sector. Although she was proud of her influence on public policy and foreign policy negotiations, she felt she had hit a plateau and needed a new professional challenge.

The stars aligned when headhunters approached her about taking on a key position. The interview process was exhaustive and stressful. There were countless, seemingly endless interviews with her prospective direct supervisor, regional and national managers, and others in global leadership roles.

Her direct manager expressed concern about finding the right candidate—someone with strong leadership skills and the necessary qualifications to replace him after his retirement. Andrea was daunted by the magnitude of the challenge, but she had confidence in her abilities, and her enthusiasm outweighed her fear.

In the end, the job was hers. For her, it was a fresh start, like the first day of school, with that smell of new school supplies and shiny shoes.

“But that excitement didn’t last long—not even two weeks had gone by before it became clear to me that my new boss hadn’t chosen me. His superiors had made the decision, and he wasn’t willing to teach me, listen to me, or mentor me.”

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Over time, Andrea gained experience and took on more responsibilities in her role; however, her boss failed to acknowledge her achievements and even took credit for some of them.

Among her responsibilities, Andrea had the opportunity to lead a project outside her regular duties aimed at promoting women within the organization. Her boss believed that “If women need a talent acquisition and development group, it’s because they’re missingsomething.”

Perhaps they don't lack prejudice—they have more than enough of it. According to a McKinsey report, opportunities for promotion or hiring vary depending on gender. For men, these opportunities arise based on their potential, while for women, they are based more on their experience and track record.

At every performance review, she always received the same feedback: “You can’t work with someone like that,” “You lacked leadership and innovation.” She never received any constructive feedback. That’s when imposter syndrome began to take hold. Little by little, Andrea lost her self-assurance and self-confidence.

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“The process involved small, carefully administered daily doses of toxicity. This is common in close relationships (...) It’s not overt aggression. It’s an invasive, gradual process, like a fungus.”

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Andrea was being gaslit. This is a phenomenon in which the victim begins to doubt their own reality because of the abuser and questions their own perceptions. It is a phenomenon that occurs in the workplace and is recognized by the National Bully Helpline in the United Kingdom.

And that was how Andrea found out—through other channels, just like everyone else in the region—about her boss’s long-awaited retirement and the news that it didn’t guarantee her a promotion.

A promotion I had worked toward and waited for over four years.

One of the key people behind that promotion didn't even know her because she never had the official backing of her direct supervisor. He was also always very vocal about his skepticism regarding Andrea's abilities.

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“I am absolutely certain that such doubt would not have arisen if a man—and perhaps an older one—had been in my place.”

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Andrea was finding herself at the entrance to that career advancement funnel that women often face. It’s a global phenomenon where promotions to senior positions drop to 26%, and then to just 14% for executive committee roles. This explains why only 2% and 3% of CEOs at the top companies, according to the Fortune 500, are women.

By that point, Andrea—convinced that she wasn’t cut out for the job—decided to pretend she was certain she deserved the promotion and turned to her support network. She then set out on one of the most important journeys of her life: to find out whether or not she was an imposter.

He realized that his boss’s feedback wasn’t the only input he needed. So he decided to have a series of difficult conversations. He scheduled meetings with directors and executives at the same level as his boss, explained his interest in taking on the role, and asked them to tell him what they thought he needed to do to succeed.

“I stopped worrying about the things I couldn’t change—my age and the fact that I’m a woman. And with all the information I gathered, I put together an action plan to change the perceptions that I could influence.”

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He accepted more invitations to speak in public, wrote specialized articles, and got involved in other projects that required more leadership. Without realizing it, he had begun his campaign to take on the position.

This attitude came to the attention of all those supervisors who had been unaware of her existence. And it ultimately led to the decision that she would be the one to replace her boss.

“The person in charge of making the decision told me that he had heard great things about me and that, since he had been given so many opportunities throughout his career, he was very happy to give me one too.”

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Andrea shared this story with us during a talk at a private Fuckup Nights event. You can hear her tell this story in her own words here and learn how to bring stories like this to your company here.

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Want your team to feel safe to have these difficult conversations? As part of The Failure Program, we have a variety of online courses, workshops and private events, plus a survey that will diagnose how they are managing psychological safety and failure in your company. Leave us your details and let's start collaborating to make failure work for you.