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Don't Talk to Me, I'm Stressed: Living with Stress

You will go bald. You will die. Everyone has a similar opinion about stress. It's not only overwhelming; it's ironically stressful....

By:
Rich
April 5, 2022

Since I was 7 years old, I had a hard time getting ready in the mornings. I was anxious about leaving the comfort of my home and facing the early demands of my teachers and family.

My appetite would turn to nausea, I would rub my hands together constantly and my fingertips would get cold. I was overwhelmed by not turning in good papers or not taking my notes well. Sometimes my stomach would hurt so much that as soon as class started, they would dial home to calm me down.

Although over the years I learned to disguise it (and not dial home), my entire student life was much the same. My professional life was no exception. Stress has always been part of my life and, at some point, I came to see it as part of my personality.

Eliminating stress has always seemed as absurd to me as if someone were asked to stop being tall.

Stressing me out for stressing me out

You're going to go bald. You're going to get heart disease. You're going to die. If you search the internet or ask any health professional, they will tell you something similar about stress (some sources may be more dramatic than others). Lots of content backs it up, studies, statistics, even TED talks. It's not only overwhelming, it's ironically stressful.

If you, like me, have a lifetime subscription to stress, you know that no matter how much people tell you that "you're killing yourself," not stressing out is impossible.

In this blog we are not going to repeat the reasons why you should not stress. There is already a lot of information about it. And precisely that makes us wonder: Why do we continue to stress despite all this knowledge?

‍Produce, produce, produce

More repetitive and predictable than Nicolas Cage's film career, capitalism is, once again, the protagonist. In a meritocratic system, dying of stress does not seem as terrible as being unproductive and unsuccessful.

We have an ingrained view that only productivity will bring us well-being, and ironically this pursuit gets us into a loop of: stress → underperformance → low productivity → stress → stress → repeat.

In addition to the well-known effects of social networks on our mental health, we are always exposed to media representatives of productivity. Influencers by day and entrepreneurs by night (or vice versa). Beautiful and busy people with new projects, world tours, tours and brands. Always up and down and glorifying tireless, endless productivity.

The Rat Race is implanted in our head from different fronts. Stress is the symptom of a life we are supposed to live.

Why, why, why, why, why?

hen I came home from school, doing my homework was complicated by the hieroglyphics I had for notes. And in a family where academic excellence was the law, the solution was to tear up and transcribe again.

Growing up with a smart older brother, with good grades and notes, put a demand on me from a very young age that has perpetuated itself to this day. My stress is a response to the "threat" of not being good enough.

A threat that is also in my hobbies and personal projects. We have also been taught to be productive in our free time and monetize our passions.

A powerful question against all that stress is: Why? and what better if we ask it 5 times:

-I'm stressed. -Why?

-Because I haven't had time to resume my personal project. -Why?

-Because I must do what I am passionate about. -Why?

...

The intention is not to provoke you into a new existential crisis. But getting to the core of our demands shows how absurd they can be.

It doesn't mean that you should stop reading this blog ;), tell everyone in the office to go to hell or run away. There are responsibilities we must fulfill to, you know... make money and survive in this system. But there must be some demand on you, ready to be questioned.

Solution(s)

After many articles on mental health diagnose us with a future serious illness due to stress, we are advised the usual. Repeat after me: Exercise, healthy eating, meditation, good sleep, etc..

It took testing my therapist's patience, procrastinating for months and stressing over that same procrastination to start practicing new habits. How can I give up my work and personal projects to just sit and breathe and meditate!

It is also important to give yourself time for this. If you don't give yourself time, no one else will.

There is a reason why everyone (including me) recommends these practices, but let's not lose sight of the fact that:

  • It is important to reflect on what stresses us:
    Exercising, eating healthy and practicing all these habits are the medicine we impulsively take against a disease such as stress, but we do not seek to prevent it. Identifying and questioning what we see as threats is the beginning of a substantial change. Therapy with a mental health professional can also facilitate this process of reflection ;)

  • Being more honest helps:
    -How are you?
    -Notso good, I'm stressed.
    Sharing our situation can mean a reduction in your workload, or a better balance with your professional life. It shows us more real to others and puts us on a more human and vulnerable plane; we break that impeccable pedestal of unattainable productivity.
  • Try to do only one meaningful thing in your day:
    Multitasking is just a formula for disaster. Mountains of tasks are conquered incrementally. Crossing one less big to-do off your list is satisfying at the end of the day.
  • Stress is inevitable:
    In fact, it has a reason for being, and that is to prepare us to cope with certain "survival" or escape situations. Ironically, "fighting" against it generates... more stress, and it shouldn't be that way. There are situations that we can do without and choose if we give them the power to control us. Kind of like "making peace" and picking your battles.

Stress will never go away either, but knowing that it is not part of my personality was an important step to stop and analyze it. I was able to identify some of the demands that cause it. And you, what is the source of your stress?

Edited by Santiago da Silva Évora


Edited by

Don't Talk to Me, I'm Stressed: Living with Stress
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