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Let's care about people. Check out how to get straight to the point when helping others improve.
By:
fuckupnights
According to Kim Scott, Radical Candor occurs at the intersection of Caring Personally and Challenging Directly. It’s about being brutally honest, but always aiming for improvement.
When I was growing up, my parents used to say that I was “really honest”when I was really just being rude.
From my perspective, I wasn’t hurting anyone. I genuinely believed I was helping people by telling them the brutal, unvarnished truth.
This behavior didn't change much throughout college. I really thought I was just being honest…and that's a good thing, right?
Then I started my first job…
Six months after I was hired, my boss asked me to come in for a one-on-one meeting following a feedback session with my coworkers. I was so nervous. I knew the meeting wasn’t going to go well… I just had to look at my coworkers’ faces to know that. I was absolutely convinced I was in big trouble. But when I walked into his office, my boss stood up and smiled:
“You need to look out for your coworkers—they’re your friends, too—and we need to keep the big picture in mind. Your attitude is affecting your team’s work and performance, and that needs to change.”
Last year I started a new job in a foreign country (spoiler alert: the job was Movement Coordinator at the Fuckup Nights in Mexico City). As time went on, I became friends with my boss (Global Movement Coordinator Ricardo Castañeda). He was the one who first introduced me to the concept of Radical Candor:
“Are you acting out of love? Or do you just always want to be right?”
That’s when I realized how important it is to be direct and honest while also respecting and caring about other people’s feelings.
According to author Kim Scott, “Radical Candor” is based on the idea that it is possible to both care deeply about someone—truly caring about the other person, not about whether you’re winning a popularity contest—while also challenging them directly— sharingyour perspective and inviting the other person to do the same. It’s about being honest, but always being empathetic and aiming for improvement.
Obnoxious Aggression, Ruinous Empathy, and Manipulative Insincerity
It is important to recognize that Radical Candor, which is based on empathy and a constructive approach, is not the same as brutal honesty, which Scott also refers to as“obnoxious aggression.” And although obnoxious aggression isn’t ideal, it is often better than nothing, as it still encourages conversation and transparency.
However, “ruinous empathy” is even more damaging than obnoxious aggression. According to Scott, “Ruinous empathy is ‘nice’ but ultimately unhelpful or even damaging. It’s like seeing someone with their fly open but, not wanting to embarrass them, saying nothing—with the result that 15 more people see them with their fly open, which is even more embarrassing for them.”
“Manipulative insincerity” is the worst approach of all; it is neither caring nor challenging. Managers who use a manipulative and insincere approach are focused on always being right and are neither empathetic nor constructive.
One of the things that really struck me while reading Scott’s Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanityis how clearly she makes it clear that caring personally is all about basic human decency and doesn’t necessarily require a deep and intense personal relationship as your starting point. That’s when I truly understood how beautiful and powerful this mindset can be: it’s not about being loved or accepted; it’s about caring about others, helping them be the best they can be, and learning to develop good communication skills.
m that I’ve pretty much been a jerk my whole life—a caring jerk, but a jerk nonetheless. And it’s been a big challenge for me to adjust my habits to show people that I really do care personally and thatm from a place of love when I share my opinions or feedback. Butm for Ricardo’s radical candor, which has allowed me to be radically candid with myself and realize how my obnoxious aggression was limiting both my team and myself.
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