Miscommunication is not always intentional, but it can have a significant impact on our personal and professional relationships.
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Communication plays a fundamental role in our lives, especially during difficult conversations. However, factors such as intense emotions, a lack of proper communication skills, or active listening can lead to situations where communication becomes confusing, inefficient, or even breaks down completely.
It's essential to recognize that poor communication is not always intentional, but it can impact our personal and professional relationships, eroding trust in the workplace.
This type of communication can manifest in various forms, such as insults, hurtful criticism, contempt, shouting, or threats. However, violent communication is not limited to these alone. It can also be subtly present when we joke, give unsolicited advice, or compliment excessively.
In this context, we must identify the obstacles that hinder clear and effective communication during difficult conversations. By developing our communication skills, we can constructively face these challenges and seek solutions and mutual understanding.
Effectively managing difficult conversations is a crucial issue we aim to diagnose and address. We include this topic as part of our e-learning courses and our corporate culture diagnostic tool available for organizations. In this article, we will discuss the main characteristics of violent communication and other types of communication that hinder dialogue and continuous improvement.
Violent communication
Violent communication is any communicative act that makes a person withdraw or close up during a conversation, even if it’s far from our intention to cause such an effect. We usually communicate violently, and most of the time, we don't even realize it.
Violent communication doesn't always involve raising our voices or using derogatory words. It also includes being/doing the following:
If we become irritated when someone shows any of these behaviors, it's empathetic to assume that others won't appreciate them either. The first step to change this is to reflect on how we typically initiate and approach a conversation. Do we unconsciously adopt attitudes that could reduce the other person's empathy?
Violent communication can generate a toxic work environment, negatively affect labor relations and diminish productivity and teamwork. In addition, it can damage the reputation and professional image of those who practice it, affecting their professional development in the long term.
Other Types of Communication
Violent communication is not the only type of communication that interferes with a crucial conversation. There are other types of communication that not only hinder the opportunity for better understanding during conversations but also lead to assumptions and interpretations that can result in further mistakes:
Inconsistent communication: It occurs when your verbal and non-verbal language are inconsistent. For example, yelling "I'm NOT ANGRY!" confuses and provides little to no clarity for the other person. It is crucial to be consistent in what we say and our accompanying body expression.
Indirect communication: A.K.A “asking without asking”. It happens when the message we convey is vague. For example, saying, "The door is open..." and expecting the other person to understand that it needs to be closed. This behavior does not convey expectations or responsibilities. Communication should be as direct as possible, with a specific message.
Competitive communication: It occurs when one party tries to prove their point is more important or relevant than the other person's, for example: "You think you have a problem? Wait ‘til you hear mine!" This behavior generates a feeling of disregard for the other person, potentially making them feel that their ideas or feelings are unimportant. We should allow others to express themselves and share their experiences, always listening attentively.
Instructional communication: This one arises when one party attempts to solve the other person's problem or provide advice. This behavior creates mixed feelings and a sense that the listener is better at finding solutions. The key is to wait for someone to ask for advice or support when finding a solution to the conflict.
Judgmental communication: It involves highlighting negative traits in the other person's personality. For example, "You're lazy, always late, irresponsible, etc." Starting a conversation this way is likely to result in a negative outcome. If we want to address someone's mistakes or shortcomings, we should steer the conversation toward how to improve rather than pointing fingers and accusing them.
Manipulative communication: It occurs when we try to get something from the other person by playing on their emotional needs. For example: "You should do this presentation because you're the best at it."
Sometimes, this type of communication is subtle, and it may take time for the other person to notice it. However, once they realize it, conflicts may arise, especially if difficult decisions are involved. It is essential to communicate honestly and with intent.
As you can see, adopting assertive communication is essential to addressing difficult conversations constructively and efficiently. This way, we express ourselves respectfully and clearly, without belittling or attacking others.
Assertive communication can strengthen our personal and professional relationships, fostering a more positive work environment where we can enable conflict resolution, collaboration, and teamwork.
In our workshops, courses and talks, we promote active listening, respect and empathy in our clients' companies and teams during these difficult conversations. If you want to know more about how to bring Fuckup Nights products to your company, fill out this form.
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